Hello There, Shikamaru
by FanficMonster101
Summary: "Good morning, Nara." It was just one night...right? It wouldn't happen again...Poor Shikamaru. He wouldn't know love if it hit him with a giant steel fan. Shikatema.
1. An Affair To Forget

**Me:** Gee, I finally write something other than Sasuhina! This is one of my favorite pairings, but I've never really written it seriously before. So, I guess, I'll just give it a go. _Iku(1)_, Shikatema!

**Sasu: **...then why am I here? I'm not even in this story.

**Me: **Au contraire, my dear ice cube. You'll be in this fic. Eventually. Plus, you're the comic relief character!

**Naru: **WHAT THE F***? Sasuke steals my potential girlfriends, my adoring fans, my _screentime_, and now you're giving him my _JOB_? Aw, hell no!

**Sasu**: (smirks) Deal with it, dobe. They might as well name the show 'Sasuke'.

**Naru: **No way! TV Tokyo, Studio Pierrot, Shueisha Inc., and Shonen Jump would never allow that!

**?: **Actually, we're filling out the paperwork right now.

**Everyone: **(shock)_MASASHI KISHIMOTO_?

**Masashi: **Indeed.

**Shikamaru: **(pops up out of nowhere) Oi, I'm here...even thought it's troublesome...

**Naru: **Oh hey, Shikamaru. (turns to Masashi) HOLY F***ING SH** MONKEYS! HOW COULD YOU CHANGE THE NAME OF THE SHOW?

**Masashi: **How could I not? I mean, this is what the fans wanted.

**Sasu:** (smirks at Naruto) Hear that, dobe? The fans wanted me. (says under breath)...and so did your fangirls.

**Naru: **(flips Sasuke the finger) F*** off, Sasuke!

**Masashi: **You? Oh no, Sasuke. We're not renaming the the show after _you_.

**Sasu: **(draws katana, Sharingan activated) Oh yes you are.

**Naru: **(grins gleefully) In your face, teme! They still love me! *tears of joy*

**Masashi**: ...we're still changing the name of the show, Naruto.

**Naru: **(looks heartbroken) W-W-What?

**Masashi: **That's right - from now on, this show will be called - (flings arms out dramatically) AKAMARU!

**Shikamaru: **...the hell?

**Me: **Enjoy the story! (mutters) At last...

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Nara Shikamaru was greeted with a massive hangover.

The early morning light strained through the half-drawn curtains, shining directly onto his face. He grunted and winced, feeling the sunshine invade his eyelids and the enormous headache throbbing against his skull.

He rolled over onto his stomach to escape the bright light, sighing deeply and burying his face into the soft pillow. His eyes snapped open when he inhaled. The pillow smelled like...a woman. Like passion flowers and coconuts. Like temptation. He _knew _that smell. Blearily, he raised his face from the pillow and turned his head to the side.

The sunlight was spread across the entire upper half of the bed, illuminating the figure beside him, turned away . The unmistakable sandy blonde hair the light fell across seemed to sparkle and shine.

Long, smooth, sandy blonde hair.

With a groan, Shikamaru dropped his face back onto the very nice-smelling pillow and cursed his life.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Temari sighed through her nose and snuggled deeper into the warm blanket. Belatedly, she realized she was naked. Behind closed eyelids, she rolled her teal eyes. _Shit. Nice job, Temari._ Yawning, she blinked, ignoring the pounding inside of her brain, and sat up in the bed, stretching. _Now who the hell did I sleep with? _She looked to her right and her gaze fell upon a facedown figure with a head full of dark brown, spiky hair. _Oh_.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Shikamaru remained on his stomach when he felt Temari move beside him. He heard her sigh, as if saying, 'That's unfortunate. Oh well.'

He felt her move again, and then felt her weight leave the bed. The ruffling of clothes was audible in the otherwise silent room. This time he turned his head so that he could see her. She had already put on her panties and was just clipping her bra. She noticed his eyes on her and smiled wryly at him. "Good morning, Nara."

He grunted and turned his face back into the pillow. She chuckled and began searching for her pants. Well, they weren't on the floor...maybe she'd discarded them elsewhere. She tried to think, racking her foggy brain. Had the two of them been in the kitchen? She could remember a table...or, more accurately, being pinned to a table by the boy lounging in her bed.

Ah, well. She'd find them later. Right now she had to deal with a certain shadow user.

Shikamaru felt the blonde woman poke the back of his head. He grunted and turned towards her. "What?" he ground out, glaring at her. She was standing beside him, holding something in her hands.

His boxers.

She raised an eyebrow at him and held them out. He immediately sat up and snatched them from her, a small blush on his cheeks. Temari laughed a little at his reaction. "What? Are you embarrassed?" she asked, clearly amused. Shikamaru grimaced. "I'm more hungover than embarrassed," he said, his voice gravelly. Temari shrugged her tan shoulders, then sat down on the edge of the bed. "Whatever you are, you're cute," she replied, flicking him on the nose. He looked dumbfounded. "How are you so casual about this?" he muttered, staring at her. She shrugged again. "It's not a big deal." She stood up and walked over to the closet.

His eyes trailed her, still looking astounded. "It is a big deal," he insisted, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Temari opened the doors of the closet and looked back at him. "Oh? How so?" she asked. He gaped at her. "Temari, we had sex." He said bluntly. The Kazekage's sister rolled her eyes and began rifling through the hanging shirts. "I can see that," she replied, calm, "So what if we did?" Shikamaru simply stared at her back. "This really doesn't bother you, does it?" he said quietly, more to himself than to her.

Temari stopped her actions and turned back to him, putting her hands on her wide hips. "Did it matter to you?" She cocked her head to one side. "You and I were completely wasted when we left Ino's birthday party. Neither of us had any idea what we were doing. It's not like we did it knowingly, Nara." She paused, staring at him. "We were drunk. We had sex." She said pointedly. He was silent.

A slow grin spread across her lips. "Did you not enjoy it?"

Shikamaru looked away, scowling, but his cheeks were tinged pink. "That's not the point," he muttered. Temari walked twards him, her grin still in place. "That's exactly the point. Did you not enjoy it, Shikamaru?" she repeated. He pressed his lips together, not answering, his eyes looking elsewhere.

Suddenly, she was right in front of him, on her hands and knees,inches from his face. His head whipped back to face her, eyes wide, and she leaned even closer, so that their noses were touching. He found himself frozen in place as Temari grinned at him, her deep blue-green eyes sparkling. "You sounded like you enjoyed it," she murmured, tilting her head to one side.

He couldn't even speak. She moved closer, and ever-so-casually rested her hand on his hip bone. He drew in a breath, his cheeks flushing. She leaned down and laid a small kiss on his collarbone. "I enjoyed it," she announced in a whisper, making him shiver. "In fact, I wouldn't mind doing it again." She raised her head and brushed her lips against his, speaking so quietly he didn't dare breathe in case he couldn't hear her. She caressed his hip slowly, sensually, ad he groaned. "Temari..."

Abruptly, she pulled away, and he blinked, confused. She smiled at him, showing her pearly teeth. _Oh, hell no._ "Come here, Temari," he said warningly, glaring. The blonde raised her eyebrows. "You're not so passive when you're in the mood, are you?" she mused. In a flash, he had pulled her back to him so that she was straddling his lap. "You're the one who caused it," he told her, his lips against her ear. He felt her smirk. She brought a hand up and lazily traced a line down his chest, eliciting a hiss from him. "You're more aroused than impatient," she said, the quite suddenly flicked her tongue against his cheek. He flinched and she took advantage of his moment of weakness to draw away from him. He made a grab for her, but she was already sliding off the bed.

A bit too late, he realized he was missing something.

Temari held up his dark green boxers and smiled. "Make me breakfast and I'll consider giving these back."

He stared at her in awe. "You played me," he said, a hint of respect in his voice.

She merely smiled again.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

**(1): **Iku = go

**(2): **Kamaitachi = Cutting whirlwind, a jutsu of Temari no Subaku's.

**Me: **If you didn't get it by the chapter title, I'm using a play on movie names for each chapter. Just cause I can.

**Sasu:** ...You're an idiot. And when do I get my steamy sex scene with Temari?

**Shika: **You motherf***er.

**Me: **(eye twitch)You don't get a steamy sex scene, Sasuke.

**Sasu: **(pulls out machine gun) Hell yes I do.

**Me: **You _almost_ get one.

**Sasu: **(puts away gun) Good.

**Shika: **Hell no he doesn't.

**Tema: **Review, or I'll Kamaitachi(2) your ass! (blows a kiss to Sasuke)

**Shika: **Temari!

**Tema: **(shrugs) What?


	2. Love, Not Actually

Well, he did know how to make an omelette.

They sat across from each other at the table (Temari hoped it was not _the_ table) eating his surprisingly delicious egg creation. Shikamaru definitely had an appetite, having engaged in some...rigorous activities last night, but he was too uncomfortable to really taste the food. After all, Temari - who looked completely at ease - had yet to give back his underwear. Plus, he had an erection.

Mentally groaning, he set down his fork and looked at Temari directly. "Can I have them back now?" he asked, painfully.

Temari paused, then nodded and tossed him the boxers. Sighing, he caught them. He looked back up at Temari, who politely turned away. After a moment of struggling into them, he sat back down, relieved. She turned back around looked at him pointedly. "It's not like I haven't seen it before, you know," she said. Shikamaru frowned. "Can we not tell anyone, _ever_, that this happened?"

Temari set down her fork as well and looked him straight in the eye. Her tone was completely serious. "Yes, Shikamaru. Because I was totally going to publicize your sex life and tell all of your friends that you got drunk and screwed me." She rolled her eyes (something she seemed to do with him a lot) and took a drink of her orange juice. She set that down too and scrutinized him, as if something had just occured to her. "Was that your first time?" she asked, searching his face. His eyes widened for a second and he looked down at his plate, forcing himself not to blush.

Her own catlike eyes widened and her jaw dropped in shock. "_Oh_." she said, surprised. "I...oh." she immediately looked guilty. He raised his head and looked at her, confused. "What?"

She bit her lip, her eyebrows drawing together, and for a split second Shikamaru thought she looked cute. She spoke, explaining. "Well, your first time is supposed to be...special. With...someone you love." She looked extremely guilty now. Shikamaru tilted his head to one side. "Was your first time with someone you loved?" he asked, one eyebrow arched. She blinked, then said, "No...but that was my choice."

Shikamaru's eyebrows rose. "And it wasn't my choice?" He laughed then, startling her. "Jesus, Temari, you make it sound like you raped me." She stared for a moment, then cracked a smile. Shikamaru then stopped smiling and took on a serious tone, his eyes dead-set on hers. "Besides," he began in a quiet voice, his hand reaching across the table to cover hers. "It _was_ with someone I loved."

Temari stared, mouth agape, complete and utter shock plastered across her features. Then, a lovely smile graced her lips, and she reached out _her_ hand to cover his other one. "Oh, Shikamaru," she whispered, looking up into his dark brown eyes, "I've always wanted to tell you," she leaned closer, and he followed suit, his gaze never leaving her. Her beautiful eyes were filled with hope, and longing..."you're so..." she released his hand and brought hers up to caress his cheek, and he leaned into her palm, closing his eyes,"...full of BULLSHIT!"

Abruptly, his face was shoved away, and he fell back in his chair. Temari was glaring at him from across the table, her arms now crossed. Shikamaru stared at her, stunned. and then a slow smirk crawled across his face. "How'd you find me out?" he asked, his voice again a drawl.

The Sand Shinobi blew air out her lips. "I may not be a genius like you, Nara, but I'm not _stupid_." She reached for her glass of orange juice.

Shikamaru was mildly impressed. Not only did she trick him in the bedroom, she called him out on his little trick. "Troublesome," he muttered, pleased when he sounded bored. Temari once again examined his face. "Why'd you try to fool me?" she asked, unveiled curiosity in her voice. He sighed to himself. _Might as well tell her,_ he thought. "My pants are under your chair," he pointed out. Temari leaned over and caught a glimpse of a pair of black shinobi pants, crumped under hear seat. She winced. _Crap. This __was__ THE table. I hope we didn't do anything too bad_, she thought. turning back to the lazy genius, she quirked an eyebrow. "So where are **my** pants, oh wise one?"

Shikamaru thought for a second. "The bathroom," he answered, inclining his head towards said bathroom. Temari looked surprised and confused. "We were in the bathroom?" she wondered aloud. Shikamaru nodded. "If I remember correctly, your pants are hanging off the shower curtain rung," he scratched his chin thoughtfully. Temari raised her eyebrows and looked up towards the ceiling. _Damn_. "So what exactly did we do in there?" she asked him, her eyes fixed on the lamp structure above her.

There was no answer.

She looked back down at the Nara. He was _blushing_ again, scratching the back of his neck. She smirked. "C'mon, tell me." she goaded, leaning across the table. Shikamaru glanced at her, then back at the wall. "We, ah..." he sounded humiliated, his voice lowered. "...you gave me a lap dance."

"Oh." She remembered now.

_Flasback:_

_Temari stumbled into the bathroom, her lips connected to Shikamaru's. Vaguely, she recognized her surroundings. "This isn't the bedroom," she said idly, while the boy in front of her kissed down her neck, gripping her waist. Her shirt was gone, (no surprise) and Shikamaru still had his mesh undershirt and boxers on._

_He growled into her collarbone and sat down on the toilet seat lid, pulling the blonde ninja with him. "Whatever," he muttered, "let's just do it here." She giggled, then slid into his lap, shaking her arms around his neck. "How 'bout I give you a preview?" she said, ever the seductress, even drunk. Shikamaru nodded eagerly, and she laughed, rolling her hips against his. He gasped and leaned back, his eyes wide and his lips parted._

_She continued grinding into him, her lips at his ear, whispering sweet nothings. He groaned, his hands falling on her rocking hips. Then, without warning, he pushed her off of him. Before she could even ask why, he was sliding her pants down her legs, then impatiently ripping them off, tossing them to one side. He sat back down and pulled her back into her previous position. Noticing the look she gave him, he explained, "They were getting troublesome." He gave her hips a squeeze. "Again," he demanded roughly, and she grinned._

_:End flashback_

"Oh, yeah," Temari mused thoughtfully. Then, she frowned. "Did we do stuff in other weird places, too?" she asked, half to herself, and was vaguely surprised when he answered.

"The couch, the floor, the wall...the closet..." he ticked them off one by one on his fingers. "And I'm pretty sure we spent a while making out on the roof."

Temari scrunched up her eyebrows, but whether in disgust or confusion, Shikamaru couldn't tell. "How the hell did we get on the _roof_?" She looked even more confused. "Moreover, how the hell did we get down?"

Shikamaru smirked. "You were too wasted to even walk, so I carried you, there and back."

Then, it was Temari's turn to smirk, as she turned a critical eye towards him. "Oh? Were you not wasted as well?" she teased. "How many drinks did you have?"

Her smirk slowly faded when Shikamaru hung his head and mumbled, "_Three_."

Temari all but leapt up from the table. "_THREE?"_ She shouted. "You had _three_ drinks?" She looked disbelieving, and then her eyes widened, as if something dawned on her. "You screwed me half sober!" she accused, though not angrily. "Oh my god!"

Shikamaru by now was looking extremely distressed. "That's not true!" he insisted, a little hysterical. "I was **not** sober!"

Temari calmed down a bit. "Then explain why, after three drinks, you were supposedly drunk?"

Shikamaru blushed - _damn, I've gotta stop doing that around her_ - and mumbled, "I can't hold my alcohol very well." Temari calmed down entirely at his statement and sat back down. "Why didn't you tell me?" she murmured, sounding almost...sympathetic? He scowled. "You would've made fun of me," he said. She shook her head, then paused and said, "Probably. Still...usually, when you've only had a few drinks, you're pretty sound of mind. I'm here feeling guilty because you were a virgin, and then you tell me that you had three drinks, making it look like you took advantage of me." She shook her head again.

Shikamaru sighed. "But I didn't. I was drunk. You were drunk. It was a mistake." He looked at her. "Okay?"

She nodded, sighed, then picked up his plate and hers and dumped them in the sink.

A thought came to him, and he stood up. "Hey, I..." he cleared his throat, "...still need my pants back."

Temari turned and shrugged. "You get them." So he went for them, reaching under her chair, and she made a face. "I'm not even sure they're _yours_." That froze Shikamaru in his tracks. "What?"

The blonde turned back to rinsing the dishes, completely comfortable with him seeing her in just her bra and panties. "They could be someone else's," she explained. Shikamaru frowned and straightened up. "Please tell me that 'someone else' means you."

Temari turned around again and huffed. "They might be another _guy's_, Shikamaru," she informed him. He just stood there. "You...had sex with someone else?" he asked.

"Yeah. Is that not allowed?"

"Well...no."

"No, it isn't, or no, it is?"

"It is," he said uncomfortably.

She glanced at him over her shoulder. "Good."

And for the first time in many, many years, Shikamaru felt a tiny curl of something in his stomach, unfurling and rising so that he could not only identify it, he couldn't ignore it.

Jealousy.

He grimaced at his own deduction. _You're not jealous, Shikamaru. You are not jealous. Jealousy is something that happens over someone you care about. You do not care about Temari. At least, not in that way...maybe as a friend. A friend who had sex with you. A friend who had amazing, perfect, MIND-BLOWING sex with you..._

"Ugh!" he said out loud, pissed at his thoughts.

Temari, on the other hand, was thinking more along the lines of what she should have for dinner. _Steak. No, maybe lamb. Onigiri? Haven't had that in a while. In fact, I haven't been to Konoha in a while, so...I could get the Inuzuka to buy me dinner, he seemed more than willing the last time we met. Or maybe I should ask that Hyuga boy, I hear he's single..._

She was startled out of her rather uncouth thought train with Shikamaru's grunt of frustration. She turned around, and was greeted by a rather comical sight.

The Nara seemed to be having an internal battle, and with each new thought that popped into his head, his expression changed. Anger...resignment...adoration...? "Nara," she said, amused, and he almost jumped. Instead of frowning at her, or muttering, "Troublesome", he actually looked stricken. "Temari, how many men have you slept with?" he asked earnestly.

The Sand shinobi raised an eyebrow. _Weird question..._

She headed for the bathroom, intent on retrieving her pants. "Buy me dinner, and I'll tell you," she called over her shoulder.

She chuckled when she heard a faint, "Troublesome..."


End file.
